Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
