Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
