Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
