Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
