I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
