Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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