I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
