so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
