that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
