My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
