I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
