My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
