Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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