I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am midnight drunk by noon
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
