Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
