Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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