So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize