physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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