These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
