so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
