dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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