I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
