why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
