3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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