Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
