I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
