wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
