dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
