I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
