Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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