you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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