so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize