I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
