Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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