I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
