last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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