the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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