there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize