I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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