I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
