I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize