if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
