his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
