Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
