don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
