Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
