What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
should my penis look like a turkey
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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