I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
