why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
