Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
