so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
