lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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