he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Please don't give away my fajitas
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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