hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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