Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
