At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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