I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
