You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
