You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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