The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
