She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
