you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
