take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
