The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
