the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
