somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
