Can Purell be used as lube?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
