Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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