two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
