I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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