You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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