if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
