What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
